Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed to Marry in order to Improve Show Ratings

Published: October 03, 2020

It’s pretty pointless taking marriage vows and then being quoted as saying that you will try to adhere to them - unless of course it is to improve the ratings of your stupid The Osbournes rip off style family ‘drama’ that centres around you, you, you and pretends to be reality TV.

Gargoyle Gene Simmons - of bullock tongue and KISS fame -  has finally tied the marital knot, making it official with his long-time and -suffering girlfriend Shannon Tweedafter an incredible 28 years of cohabiting.  You don’t have to be that cynical to consider that this might be a pitiful stunt at getting publicity for your dreadful show and to improve its ratings.  But I’m sure it is and I’m sure it will work on those people who are unable to read or who are incapacitated and are unable to reach the TV set to change channels, or even better turn it off completely, or those that have genuinely low cunning.

“It is time for me to grow up. I’m 62. I’ve been doing a lot of wacky stuff for an awfully long time…and there’s nobody I’ve ever said I love you to. I even find it difficult to say ‘I love you’ to my mother. But I love Shannon with all my heart and all my soul, and always will,” the aging Neanderthal said in an interview recently.

Soft-porn actress Tweed wore a stunning ivory Priscilla of Boston frock embellished with a divine bouquet of ivory roses if your life is that dreadfully dull that you really actually give a fuck. I mean, do you?

The wrinkled pair exchanged their wedding vows in front of a variety of showbiz guests that included Kiss frontman Paul Stanley and gorgeous (ly rich) Hugh Hefner. And – this may come as a shock to even the mildest cynics – the ceremony will appear as part of Gene Simmons Family Jewelson 18 October. It seems like only June 2011 (because it was) that the couple were dragging their old carcasses around to TV studios in order to televise their fake feud after Simmon’s 4000 apparent transgressions, after Tweed had decided that she had taken enough of the old devil’s duplicitous ways and at that time us terribly cynical CWDers cast doubt on whether the alleged love feud was authentic or for the sake of the cameras.

A few months on and they are expecting us to forget all that crap, whilst they employ another method of garnering publicity for their show and the obvious answer to a relationship in crisis: marriage!

I don’t know who watches this shit, but thank god it is clearly not enough people, as they are once a gain employing ridiculous tactics to get more attention.   Anyway, during trailers for the soon-to-be aired marital episode, the vile-tongued beast doesn’t vow to be faithful to Tweed, but says that he will do his best. Bless. Is that really good enough for you, Ms Tweed?

Just to help the marriage along, another website has reported that a service that claims to ‘make it easy to discreetly cheat on your partner’ has already sent Simmons 1 million credits for their grubby and despicable little service that will apparently allow the grotesque old man to pursue unlimited discreet affairs for the rest of his life.

Some people might admire Shannon Tweed for her staying power and for overlooking his much publicized and unlimited discretions that have blighted their 28-year relationship and others might consider her a fool, and an impudent one at that for agreeing to marry the dick-waving old troglodyte, who’s unique selling point is that he has a tongue that wouldn’t look uncomfortable up a bull’s arse.

The lives of a porn ‘actress’ and an ugly man known for having a big tongue – what a synopsis for a show!? Haven’t the human race progressed since the likes of George Orwell was alive?   Congratulations Shannon on marrying a serial cheater just to boost your shows ratings. Good luck with that, yeah. Perhaps when you fucked people for a living, stuff like fidelity doesn’t matter so much.   Lucky kids having a porn actress and an old rock star famous for bedding 4000+ women classy enough to shag someone just because they are famous.

The things people will do for publicity.

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Published October 03, 2020 by Mike in Celebrities
Tags: gene simmons, marriage, shannon tweed, wedding