Belgian Malinois is the secret hero of Bin Laden’s fake death

Published: May 05, 2020

The propaganda is still being spun after the much publicised and, as far as I’m concerned, fictional discovery and murder of Osama Bin Laden. The media treated us to a rare day of peace and quiet after his supposed death to allow a glorious victory for America and its premier, the do-nothing Barack Osama, er.. Obama to revel in the limelight and push desperately ailing popularity ratings right back up nearing a crucial election time.

With the backing of former president George W. Bush, or as I like to call him, “Fuckarse”, it seems the liberal minded, democratic republican is once again the golden boy.

Progress... Maybe, but not as expected Mr. President.

It now transpires that his credit stealing has been found out though as news today is claiming that the mastermind behind the operation wasn’t in fact Obama and top CIA bods but instead a Belgian Malinois whose identity must of course be kept secret to avoid violently deadly reprisals.

Having heard Obama speak without autocue I can safely say that a dog would indeed have more chance of pulling off this fictional coup than the not-black-not-white-but-still-America’s-first-black-president President.

Now before we get into a hot debate over the publishing of death pictures (or lack of) and Obama’s lame excuse about how they might be used as propaganda to incite violence against US citizens, or how all of a sudden all the talk is about revenge attacks by Al Qaeda operatives meaning that we can expect to see more terrorist activity which when explained will have so many holes in the story that people will be shouting “INSIDE JOB” for the next decade at least, let’s spare a thought for the poor dogs that are sent to war so that our leaders can sleep well at night with a clear consciense as they lie to us through their lying bastard teeth.

A Belgian Malinois just like this one spearheaded the operation to capture Osama Bin Laden

Some of you may remember the dog who used to roam the American countryside making new friends everywhere he went. Well, seems that extremely popular character has inspired Navy Seals to employ a similar tactic.

For sake of argument let’s call it the ‘Hobo Effect’, whereby the US Navy has license to kill anyone they want, but because they use a fluffy dog with a nice face people say, “awwww” while contorting their faces into a sort of fawning-parent-cum-retard arrangement, instead of “awwwww my god they’re murdering people in cold blood.”

Yes these sniffer dogs are used in bomb disposal operations and the like, and they risk their lives every day in wars that aren’t even valid - especially Afghanistan.

Let’s put this into perspective.

A dog can be used to sniff people out if they’re holed up inside a building as has been confirmed by Major William Roberts, commander of the Defense Department’s Military Working Dog Center at Lackland Air Force Base in Texas who made the most obvious statement of the day, nay, possibly ever when he said: “Dogs are very good at detecting people inside of a building.”

I suppose next you’ll be telling us that rain is very good at making us wet as well.

My initial problem with this theory of ‘warm-hearted, beast triumphs of evil terrorist with cuteness’, is that Bin Laden’s compound was supposedly sealed up tighter than a goldfish’s sphincter, so how did a dog get in there to sniff him out?

You’re right, I could be speaking with extreme naivety, so by all means please explain that to me.

The dog in question is an explosives sniffer. Now, I’m no expert on terrorists but I am fairly sensible when it comes to living with dynamite, Semtex or C4 or whatever. Again, naivety could playing its part, but would you seriously hide in a house full of explosives if you were trying to keep a low profile?

Lloyd Grossman wasn't keen on a 'Through The Keyhole' special at Osama Bin Laden's place

To me, and I’m going out on a limb here as usual, this smacks of vying for public favour by using a cute, fluffy animal to win over the hearts of the more cynical news followers while anchoring the converted firmly in place.

So to all you blind believers who think the media wouldn’t lie and that animals are cute and fluffy and win illegal wars for us by being lovely and playful while living happy lives, let’s spare a thought for Remco who was posthumously awarded a Silver Star after service in Afghanistan.

Poor Remco died so that Bush (Fuckarse) could increase his stake in the oil industry.

Share your thoughts on the cruel use of animals as the front line in war situations by leaving a comment.


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Published May 05, 2020 by in Celebrities
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3 Responses to “Belgian Malinois is the secret hero of Bin Laden’s fake death”

  1. Fabio

    16. Apr, 2012

    Actually, if you read The Dogs Of War, you will find that the dog was not an explosive sniffing dog. He was a tracking dog by the name of Cairo.

  2. Jay Roberts

    09. May, 2011

    “Fictional discovery and killing of bin Laden?” You’re the kind of guy who says the Moon Landing never happened (it was staged in Arizona), the CIA killed Kennedy, Hitler is still alive, the Air Force has recovered outer space beings and is hiding them in Area 51, and the Israelis took down the Twin Towers. Thank God for guys like you who help the rest of us put the news in perspective!

  3. Reddy Barrell-Barrell

    05. May, 2011

    There really is no end to the abuse of animals by the human race. Banned from beaches, restaurants, parks, many buildings etc, but allowed to die for us. A total manipulation of their loyalty. Grotesque really.

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