Ashton Kutcher in Dirty Fling With Bland Blond Saga

Published: September 30, 2020

It would be out of character for us at CWD to be cynical about the recent hullaballoo over Ashton Kutcher doing a bit of dirty rude with a bland young filly behind wife Demi Moore’s wrinkly old 48-year-old back, just as Two and a Half Men is suffering because it’s even crapper than it was when everyone’s favorite dick-swinger Charlie Sheen still appeared in it (playing himself). Perhaps everyone has finally realised that it’s a shabby sitcom that isn’t very funny and has one of the most irritating theme tunes of all time. Good morning America!

We at CWD believe that celebrities are the beautiful talented people that we all wish we could be. They are special individuals who are more beautiful, more talented, nobler, more humble and altogether more deserving of fame and riches than any of us putrid serfs could ever manage to be. They are certainly not undersized egomaniacs with delusions of grandeur desperate for attention from a general public they secretly despise because they are not as special as they are and they are certainly never over compensating for being too short, adopted, ugly, unloved or unlikeable. No, that would be cynical of us to think that.

So Charlie Sheen has snorted himself up his own arse and disappeared from the unfunny sitcom that just keeps on giving to be replaced by Ashton Kutcher, which must be a career move in the wrong direction in any case. Aren’t TV actors generally desperate to move into films and do some proper acting?

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore

Anyway, the news is that Kutcher has been doing a wet sex thing with a fairly attractive but heinously generic looking blond bint young enough to be Kutcher’s girlfriend called Sara Leal. The dirty sex fling is said to have taken place just last weekend when filthy-minded Ashton Kutcher deserted his poor hideously decrepit but beautiful wife, Demi Moore – she who famously posed nude for Vanity Fair whilst heavily pregnant and who got her space hoppers out for Burt Reynolds in Striptease. To add insult to injury Kutcher was doing sex things with the blond thing whilst sobbing other half Demi, spent their sixth wedding anniversary sadly alone.

Or maybe that’s just a bunch of dribbly subterfuge from a sad limping media desperate for some tosh to write about. Anyhoo, they’ve managed to dredge up one of Moore’s tweets that she posted just before her young husband abandoned her for the 23-year-old bland, who probably isn’t old enough yet to have developed a proper adult personality and are reading all manner of lusty cheaty things into it.

Ashton Kutcher - Demi Moore's toyboy

Demi Moore's Toyboy Ashton Kutcher

On 23rd September Moore tweeted:  ‘When we are offended at any man’s fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger.’ Following it some days later with a picture of herself looking all glum and that and which included the caption ‘I see through you’. She should see a doctor about that.

So are the media making a divorcey mountain out of a quarrely mole hill? Or is Kutcher employing the tried and tested method of ‘there is no such thing as bad publicity’ for his dull shitcom? Well the marriage is well and truly over according to celebrity websites less cynical than ours.

It’s not the first time that slag Kutcher has been accused of slipping his sausage in the wrong bun, the internet throbbed with interest earlier this year when rumours appeared that he was sticking it up someone that clearly wasn’t Demi Moore.

Ahston Kutcher: Sara Leal

Ashton Kutcher was this desperate for slit - allegedly.

If I was Demi Moore, firstly I’d have the grapefruits removed from my chest, and secondly I’d stop tweeting to my husband on a social networking tool aimed at people who are unable to read entire sentences. Keep it private love.

Talented Miss Leal who was apparently seen with Kutcher entering a hotel room in San Diego wants just 200 bucks or so for her version of what happened last Saturday night. Classy lady. Isn’t that bordering on prostitution?

Demi Moore

Demi Moore - still beautiful despite being really old. And doesn't charge by the hour.

Both Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore have been unable for comment on their separation and impending divorce. They are probably too busy shagging.

News just in: Ashton Kutcher has denied any splittage between he and his wife Demi Moore. Even tweeting the following on his official page: “When you ASSUME to know that which you know nothing of you make an AS** out of U and ME.” If that’s not enough to make Demi Moore commence divorce proceedings and find a man her own age, I don’t know what is.

red head with big tits

Gratuitous shot of red head with big breasts.

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Published September 30, 2020 by in Celebrities
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